


Don't Leave

by Badassium1970



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Emetophobia, Established Relationship, Fear, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, worried arin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 04:44:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14536920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badassium1970/pseuds/Badassium1970
Summary: Brian asks Arin if it's okay for him to step away from the Grumps social media. Of course it is. Arin understands why he wants to, but why does it make Arin suddenly panic?





	Don't Leave

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous said to shipgrumps-equals-hashtag-boner:  
> Can you write some ninjaraptor? Brian taking a step out and Arin freacking out that maybe he do something wrong. Brian assuring him that everything is gonna be ok and he's not going anywhere 

Arin was wondering if he should have seen this coming. With everyone’s lives becoming more hectic as they gained more success he should have known things were about to change again soon. It wasn’t that big a deal. Things were going to be fine. He had nothing to worry about, yet he was still worrying.

Brian had come to speak to him earlier. Arin had a pretty open policy about his office so the fact that Brian not only knocked but had asked if it was okay to talk about something meant that it was important. It scared Arin at first, and he wondered if maybe Brian had realised that this polyamory thing wasn’t for him. What Brian actually wanted to talk about should have been a relief, and for a few fleeting minutes, it was.

“I’ve been thinking and I don’t think I can keep up with doing the Grumps social media.”

Arin could tell that Brian felt guilty. That had been what his original job was, the reason Arin had suggested he move, even if the ulterior motive was re-united him and Dan.

“I just want to focus more on NSP and Starbomb stuff. It’s just a lot of accounts to manage and everything,” Brian continued to explain himself. Arin knew that he needed to say something, to let Brian know that it was okay because it was.

“I understand, it’s no problem,” Arin tried to shrug it off. He could handle things for now and maybe find someone else to do it for the long term, though he couldn’t think of anyone who could replace Brian. It was because of Brian’s trolling that he had been able to do that deal with Wendy’s and while people acted like they hated Brian’s trolling, and sometimes they probably did, the fans really liked him.

“Thanks for understanding.” Brian seemed calmer now, giving Arin a quick kiss on the check before stating that he needed to work on some stuff with Dan.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Arin gave the best smile he could and Brian seemed to buy it, but as soon as he left Arin found himself breaking down.

He knew that he shouldn’t be acting like this.

The boss of a company shouldn’t be getting so emotional over something so minor, but for some reason, this really got to him. Maybe it was just all the changes in the last year and a half catching up with him. Everything was going to fast and it felt like he hadn’t had enough time to process it all.

Brian not running the social media for the show was a small thing, but Arin couldn’t help but think that this was just the start. Maybe in a few days, a week, a month, Brian would say that he wants to leave the company. Arin knew he was being overdramatic, Brian had reasons to stay, but he wonders if Brian’s actually happy at the company. Maybe he wouldn’t be as busy if he wasn’t working at the office.

Arin was sat at his desk staring into space, the idea of losing Brian engulfing his thoughts and soon he was sobbing.

He thought that things were going well and that he could deal with everything constantly changing and the busy schedules, but it was clear that he couldn’t. Arin found it hard to take breaks, and even though he promised to look after himself this year, that was slowly slipping due to his workaholic nature and now the stress was getting to him, leading him to come up with all these scenarios where Brian leaves him. It then turned to Ross leaving, then Dan, Suzy, everyone.

He continued to cry, drying his tears every now and again only for new ones to appear. His eyes hurt and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. Everything hurt and he wished that he could shut the voices in his head up. The room felt like it was spinning and Arin felt physically sick from crying and hyperventilating but still, he couldn’t stop.

“Hey Arin?” There was a knock at the door and Arin heard it open. He knew it was Brian, and for a second he wished that he had locked the door, although since Suzy had a key it would have only bought him a bit of time, but maybe then Brian wouldn’t have to see him like this.

Arin wasn’t really sure what happened next, suddenly Brian was next to him with a bucket in his hands, rubbing Arin’s back with one hand and holding his hair back with the other as Arin threw up. He was still breathing heavily, coughing every now and again when vomit and spit went back down his throat. It felt disgusting, and while Brian had probably seen him in worse states Arin really wished that Brian wasn’t being subjected to seeing him like this.

Brian made sure that Arin had a drink and continued to rub his back and talk softly, telling him that he was okay and that everything was going to be fine. While Arin wasn’t sure he could believe that, the calm tone of Brian’s voice helped ground him, and after a while, his breathing was more stable. He put the puke bucket on the floor, covering his vomit with tissues because the sight of it was making him feel even more ill.

They stayed like that for a while, Brian silently comforting Arin as he slowly calmed down. Brian didn’t bombard him with questions about what was wrong, and when he did ask he didn’t rush Arin for answers.

Arin felt embarrassed about what had happened. He didn’t want any of his friends to see him like this and considering what it was over he really didn’t want Brian to see, knowing that Brian would probably blame himself. The fact that Brian had been so cautious about asking made Arin feel guilty about telling Brian why he was freaking out. He was worried that Brian would stay due to guilt. Not telling Brian why he was freaking out also felt wrong because he didn’t want to hide something like this from his boyfriend.

“I-I just-I,” Arin stammered, feeling tears in his eyes again.

Brian held Arin close to him, knowing that Arin liked to be held and began playing with his hair.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. Everything’s alright,” Brian spoke softly as he platted Arin’s hair. It was messy, but neither of them cared, it was calming for both of them. Brian had a feeling he knew what this was about, but he wasn’t going to force Arin to tell him.

“I can get Suzy if you want,” Brian suggested, thinking that Arin may prefer to talk about this with her but Arin shook his head. He would tell her later, but right now he knew he needed to tell Brian.

“It’s just, everything’s been changing recently. Like I’m really thankful, like so, so grateful that this is what I do with my life but it’s just been so much in one go,” Arin explained, working through his mental process. He always found that easier to do out loud.

“I guess I’ve just been pushing myself too hard because I shouldn’t be so bothered over things like you not wanting to run our twitter or whatever but I guess I’m just afraid,” Arin continued, his voice hitching at the end.

“Afraid?” Brian asks, confused as to what Arin could possibly be afraid of. That they would lose followers? He was pretty sure that people wouldn’t mind too much, heck some would probably be happy that they’d never have to see a grid post ever again from him.

“I d-don’t want to l-lose you.”

Oh.

Arin began sobbing again and Brian never realised that Arin would have thought of this as him subtly hinting that he wanted to leave the company.

“Arin, Arin look at me.”

Arin wanted to refuse. He didn’t want Brian to see how weak he looked and he wished that he hadn’t said anything. The last thing he wanted was for Brian to feel guilty and he was afraid that Brian wouldn’t move on knowing that this was how he reacted. Maybe he’d move on, call their relationship quits. No, Brian would never be that cruel, he wouldn’t do that now, but then if it was going to happen, Arin didn’t want it to have to be drawn out.

Everything was a mess in his mind, but he made himself look Brian in the eyes. Brian’s eyes were kind but filled with worry and concern. Arin didn’t want to keep looking, partly due to fear, and partly because he felt awkward staring like this.

“Arin, I’m not going to leave you. I don’t plan on ever leaving you. Even if we as a couple don’t work out, you’re still one of my best friends. I’d never give you up.” Brian cupped Arin’s cheek with his right hand, his left resting on Arin’s leg, drawing patterns, knowing that Arin likes that and that it calms him.

“I don’t plan on leaving the company either. Working here is easier, I have my own space and Dan’s here so much anyway. And, y’know, seeing you every time I’m here is a plus,” Brian winked and Arin couldn’t help but smile shyly.

“I’m sorry I got so worried, I don’t know what it was…” Arin trailed off, suddenly overwhelmingly embarrassed and regretful that he had let himself think Brian would leave so easily. He knew Brian better than that.

“Don’t apologise. I know what it’s like to get trapped in your own head because of change,” Brian remembered when he and Dan, mainly him, were constantly moving around, trying to get work done, trying to keep everything together. When Dan first joined the show he was afraid of losing Dan. It was a fear he’d had for a while, and every now and then those thoughts would creep back in. Sometimes he’d get them with Arin as well, thinking that they could easily replace him, or that even without the bands they had more to fall back on than he did at the moment. Thoughts of Arin leaving him for Dan had also been common at the beginning of their relationship. He’d never thought of himself as the jealous type but sometimes he would envy how close they were due to the extra years they had been around each other. For the most part Brian was fine, but he still understood what Arin was going through and he would do everything he could to help him get through things and hopefully get rid of the darker thoughts he had.

“In fact, I was kind of thinking of something I could do for the channel,” Brian began, peaking Arin’s interest.

They spent the rest of the day cuddled up on the couch in Arin’s office brainstorming ideas. They were both excited about this new path, and it was very clear to Arin that Brian wasn’t leaving anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

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